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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27743860">Trauma</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/soldiermom1973/pseuds/soldiermom1973'>soldiermom1973</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>1,000 years (A Reconciliation Story) [62]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Mass Effect - All Media Types, Mass Effect - Various Authors, Mass Effect Trilogy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Cronos Station, F/M, Gen, N7 Month 2020, N7 month, Other, Trauma</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 19:47:18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,232</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27743860</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/soldiermom1973/pseuds/soldiermom1973</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Allie reflects on the information she found on Cronos Station.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>EDI &amp; Female Shepard, Kaidan Alenko &amp; Female Shepard, Kaidan Alenko/Female Shepard</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>1,000 years (A Reconciliation Story) [62]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1460416</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Trauma</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Written for <a href="https://n7month.tumblr.com/post/631981099607785472/n7-month-2020">N7 Month</a> over on tumblr.  The Day 2 prompt was 'Trauma'.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Cronos Station, the Illusive Man's home base, was gone.  Allie and her team took care of things from within – killing Cerberus troops, downloading data, sabotaging systems.  The Alliance took care of things from the outside – killing their fighters and damaging the station beyond repair.  They finally had the information about the catalyst and Allie was able to get vengeance for Thane when she drove her omniblade through Kai Leng's chest.  Her team returned to the Normandy with only the usual bumps and bruises, but all Allie could think about were the video logs they found.</p>
<p>For the past year or so, Allie really never wrapped her head around the fact she had actually been dead.  When she woke up in that Cerberus lab, she thought maybe she just blacked out from a lack of oxygen.  Even when Jacob said she was nothing but 'meat and tubes', she thought he was exaggerating.  Miranda downplayed the whole thing, only ever just verifying that Allie was clinically dead when she started her work.  It wasn't until after she beat the Collectors and turned herself in to the Alliance that she was able to just let it go.  She was alive now and what happened before didn't matter.</p>
<p>While EDI was hacking through a door on the station, she mentioned a terminal bank that hadn't been scrubbed and contained information about the Lazarus Project.  At first, Allie wasn't sure she wanted to see it – she was expecting spreadsheets and cost analysis and maybe some medical information, boring crap she didn't want to waste her time reading – but ultimately decided she'd regret it in case it turned out to be something else.</p>
<p>'Something else' turned out to be the understatement of the century.  The terminals didn't have spreadsheets or accounting data or test results.  Oh, no...  in hindsight, that might have been preferable.  Instead, the first entry Allie saw was a video of some doctor talking to the Illusive Man and about how bringing her back was impossible.</p>
<p>
  <i>...Sir, Shepard is clinically brain-dead.  After that much trauma, that long with no oxygen... We cannot overcome nature...</i>
</p>
<p>It took a few moments after the video ended for the words to actually sink in.  “Meat and tubes,” Jacob had said.  Apparently, he wasn't exaggerating.  She hadn't just blacked out and been in some kind of coma.  She was really, literally dead in every sense of the word.</p>
<p>Now Allie sat in the sub-deck, sitting on the cot Jack had called 'home' during her stay on the SR-2, a bottle of something alcoholic firmly in her grasp as she tried once again to wrap her head around the information she found on Cronos Station.</p>
<p>
  <i>”I thought you were just on life-support,” Kaidan said.  “Clinically brain-dead...”  Allie could almost feel everything click into place for him.  Their confrontation on Horizon was thrust into a new light – of course he was so angry back then.  He thought she was just in a coma, though, to be fair, so did she.</i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>“What was it like?” he asked.  “I mean, if you remember... or... how do you feel?”</i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>“I'm still me,” Allie spat.  “I doubt I'd have been able to turn against Cerberus otherwise.”  She stared at the blank screen for several moments before continuing.  “I don't remember anything.  Maybe they really fixed me, or maybe I'm just a high-tech VI that thinks it's Commander Shepard.  I don't know.  I...”</i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>“You're real enough for me,” Kaidan said, placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder.</i>
</p>
<p>“Real enough,” Allie muttered, taking a long pull from the bottle in her hand.  She winced as the liquid burned her throat and sighed when alcohol-induced warmth raced across her midsection.  “What the fuck does that even mean now?”</p>
<p>“Commander, your heart and breathing rates are elevated,” EDI noted.  “It appears you are distressed.”</p>
<p>Allie let out a sardonic chuckle and glanced at the ceiling.  “You think?” she snapped.</p>
<p>“I believe I am partially to blame for your current state,” the AI apologized.  “Perhaps I should not have advised you to watch the information about the Lazarus Project.”</p>
<p>“Hindsight is always 20/20, EDI,” Allie sighed and dragged her hand down her face.</p>
<p>“True,” EDI replied after a moment's consideration, “but I should have taken any negative reaction into account when informing you of the contents of that databank.  Given your previous doubts about your condition when Cerberus obtained your body, I believed it best for you to see for yourself what it was like in the early stages of the project.”</p>
<p>“You meant well,” Allie said.  “Even if you had taken a potential negative reaction into account, there's still that level of unpredictability with humans that you'll probably never be able to account for.  If I remember correctly, you said that it was that unpredictability that made both you and Joker working together such a formidable team.”</p>
<p>“I had not considered that,” EDI admitted.  “Still, it troubles me that you are in distress and my actions are the cause.  I will strive to do better in the future.”</p>
<p>“EDI, you're fine,” Allie said, taking another drink from the bottle.  “Sometimes people need a smack upside the head.  The person doing the smacking might feel guilty, but in the long run, it might be for the best.”</p>
<p>“I see.  In this analogy, I am the person doing the smacking, correct?”</p>
<p>“Yes, EDI, you are,” Allie chuckled.  “I don't suppose you retrieved those files, did you?”</p>
<p>“I did,” EDI admitted.  “I believed they might someday prove to be invaluable, but considering your reaction, I was considering deleting them.  If you wish, I will remove all traces of them from all sources.”</p>
<p>“All sources?” Allie frowned.  “I'm guessing there's a copy buried in my omnitool somewhere, right?  And you've got a copy saved somewhere.  Who else has them?”</p>
<p>“Major Alenko is the only other person aware of their existence and has viewed them seven times since we returned from the station.  His stress levels are nearly identical to yours,” EDI said.  “I was going to check on him next.”</p>
<p>Allie's frown deepened and she wondered if he was feeling guilty for how he'd treated her regarding her association with the now-defunct human rights group.  Maybe she should pay him a visit, share some small talk or something.  “No, EDI, I'll do it.  And don't delete those files, either.  Restrict the access, though.  No one except for the major and myself is to view them, understood?”</p>
<p>“Yes, Commander.  Shall I tell the major you are on your way?” EDI asked.</p>
<p>“No,” Allie said, standing and stretching her arms over her head.  “I'll probably need a few minutes to get my brain in gear, and brew some coffee.”</p>
<p>“Of course.  EDI out.”</p>
<p>Allie stared at the bottle in her hand, wondering if maybe checking on Kaidan was a mistake.  They talked about Horizon, but not really about the way he treated her on Mars or during the coup.  Their friendship was barely that and she was certain he thought she hated him or at the very least didn't like him much.  They were on their way to earth for one final push against the Reapers and if the worst came to pass, she didn't want him to continue thinking that was true.  They might not be able to be lovers again, but maybe they could at least end the war as friends.  Real friends.</p>
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